Charlie: [very softly, but with a tone not at all like his usual hushed/sultry one] Good evening, Henry… Are you free? And willing to give me any of your time?
Henry: I cannot say it will be much time.
Charlie: I… will not take up any time you do not willingly give me… [deep breath] How are you?
Henry: Not very well, as I’m sure you would imagine…
Charlie: Yes, I do imagine, Henry. I imagine it so vividly. I had nightmares about it and I’m sure you did, too. I took my medicine for you today, I took it all. I made sure to before I called you. I took extra even that’s not allowed. I’m doped up on it, I just wanted to be safe for you. Thank you for giving me time… What are you doing?
Henry: [sighs] Well I do not want you taking too much medicine, that’s nearly just as dangerous… I do not want to tell you what I am doing. I am afraid to, you will begin to attack me with questions and hurt me and then tell me that you just can’t help it as if that makes it right.
Charlie: [in a cooing voice that is very much out of character] Shhh… Henry, shhh… You don’t have to tell me. I’m not… I’m not going to hurt you anymore. It doesn’t make it right, it’s sick. It’s true, but it’s not right. I know I can’t help it but I also know that that is wrong… Please, please, try to understand that… I never want to hurt you.
Henry: Stop asking me to “try to understand” things. If you know that it is wrong, do what you must to correct it. You do want to hurt me, you would have taken the measures to fix things otherwise much sooner if you did not. You only agree with me now because you are afraid I will leave, if I show you kindness it will all start over again.
Charlie: Henry, I’m not saying that by you understanding things it will make them right… I’m only begging you to understand that I have no control over this… I have clinical diagnosis, this is all in it. Ask my doctors, it is. I asked them about it today. I went in for you today and I talked to a doctor like you asked me to. I am trying very hard here to beat my fucked up psyche. I do not expect forgiveness, just some sort of understanding that I cannot control this and only wish to love you… Something inside of me just always fucks that up.
Henry: But you DO have control over this. You have a clinical diagnosis, yes, but you also have medication and treatments to counteract that diagnosis that you have not taken until today! You do not wish to correct your behavior, you wish to have a clinical excuse to rape me whenever you please and expect forgiveness.
Thursday Apr 4 @ 12:59am
reblogged from positivelyprimeval
originally posted by positivelyprimeval
- positivelyprimeval reblogged this from henrygordon and added:
- henrygordon reblogged this from positivelyprimeval and added: