Henry: But you DO have control over this. You have a clinical diagnosis, yes, but you also have medication and treatments to counteract that diagnosis that you have not taken until today! You do not wish to correct your behavior, you wish to have a clinical excuse to rape me whenever you please and expect forgiveness.
Charlie: Henry, the medication doesn’t help right away, nor does it do much other than help with my violent mood swings right now… The doctors said it would take time and it might not even work at all. They say it’s hard to treat this. I have been taking it, all week. I do wish to correct it, please stop saying that… I’m very sick and I know it… I don’t expect forgiveness, I just told you that. I don’t want to rape you. I want to make love with you, I want it to be consensual. And somewhere in my fucked up mind, I become possessed by the idea that it is something you want, too. It’s so real, Henry… It seems so real…
Henry: Stop it! It is NOT real don’t you dare even begin on that subject, how dare you even BEGIN to imply that that is real? This is the exact sort of thing I have been speaking of…
Charlie: No! Stop! Don’t yell, please… Please, don’t yell at me… I am explaining myself. I know it’s not real, Henry. Only in the moment does it seem real. I know it is not, please… [his voice cracks and he quite obviously struggles to keep his voice from wavering with oncoming sobs] Please, I wasn’t implying… I…
Henry: …Alright, so long as you know that it is not real. It cannot seem real in the moment any longer, though, that must change. It MUST, I will not accept that anymore.
Charlie: [trying very very hard to maintain composure but sniffling] I… I know… I want it to change. I don’t want to be fooled anymore. It hurts me, too. I am convinced by my own mind that something is real. Do you know how terrifying it is to be lied to by your own mind? To believe so firmly in something and find out it’s all a lie and was never at all what your mind convinced you of because you’re so fucked up beyond belief th-that it registers as true? It hurts my heart, too. My mind fucks me over so much, Henry. It convinces me that you love me and I know it’s not true but sometimes I can’t help but believe it when it makes it all seem so real… I… I know… I know nothing is real… I know nothing I thought was real is real… I… [quiet sob]
Henry: …You TRULY want things to change? You are not just saying it this time, you are going to actually make this change rather than simply telling me that you want it?
Thursday Apr 4 @ 01:26am
reblogged from positivelyprimeval
originally posted by positivelyprimeval
- positivelyprimeval reblogged this from henrygordon and added:
- henrygordon reblogged this from positivelyprimeval and added: